Are you a Los Angeles creative who is contemplating, or has recently moved to Austin, TX, for the promise of affordable real estate, friendlier people, and a thriving music scene? Buckle up; I am about to give you the no-nonsense truth about your migration. Now, you’re too young for this, and so am I, but back in the 60’s midwesterners flocked to San Francisco for the promise of a cultural revolution. Just like the disillusioned kids who left Cleveland for Haight-Ashbury, you’re going to get here and realize that unfortunately, the world has just become more transactional in the past decade, and Austin is no exception. No, I haven’t been stalked by actual pimps out here posing as managers and trying to sell me as a prostitute to the stars, but you’re still going to get met with the same kinds of sideways-smiling, hating-ass bitches who made you cry in LA. But they will be in cowboy boots and cowboy hats. Don’t let that fool you!
Ok, we’re getting dark here; let’s talk about the positives. 112-degree weather and freezing pipes! Just kidding. I’m not. But honestly, I have grown to love the warm summer nights and actually being equipped with cold-weather clothes. I love the seasons here. Austinites make fun of me when I use the word “seasons” to describe Texas. We only have two: an incinerator and frostbite. And if you think the winters are cold here, the crew from Pennsylvania will be sure to knock some sense into you.
What is really unique and amazing about Austin? The festivals, the Psych Rock scene, the Black Angels, but more importantly, their lead singer Alex Maas’s solo albums and performances. When it comes to psych rock, Austin really does hold the crown with Levitation, Psych Fest, and the 13th Floor Elevators. San Francisco has the historical 60s lineage and Los Angeles has a massive modern garage-psych underground; but Austin institutionalized it. It’s one of the few places where heavy psych, fuzz, and doom aren’t just niche subcultures, but part of the city’s actual musical backbone. You won’t be able to go see Grammy-Winning Artists for free at the Black Rabbit Rose on a Tuesday night, but you also aren’t going to get raped or pissed on walking from your car to the lounge. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER go to a “club” in Austin; instead, you’re going to want to check out the Vinyl Beauty bar, owned by the infamous DJ Stachio and his Queen Tanita. Check out the Elephant Room for some jazz. Go to the Far Out Lounge to see great bands and experience their mini festivals with vendors. Check out Sagebrush. And you’ll probably have a great time at Stubbs or Cheer Up Charlie’s. If you’re a fan of the Underground, go to the Carousel Lounge.
If you are a musician, people are going to gatekeep and be mean to you here. Don’t take it personally. Your hustle means nothing here. This is not LA. Do not talk about your 6 month Residency at the Viper Room, do not talk about playing for a crowd of 5,000 people at the Angel City Games. Do not talk about the photography you did for Nick Cave or Brandon Boyd. Do not tell them you worked at Warner Bros. for a decade for the biggest pilot director in Television. They do not care that you’ve played SXSW multiple years running. This is not LA! For the love of god stop name-dropping! People will not be impressed; they will be annoyed, jealous, and hell-bent on your destruction. The only thing to be done in Austin, is to shut your mouth, and blow people away with your talent. Do not have long conversations with producers or managers out here. This isn’t LA, but it is still the music industry!!! If people don’t have easy access to you, it’s much harder to manipulate you or pick you apart. The real professionals will keep it strictly business, and from that basis of respect, real friendships can bloom. Beware the people who pose as friends off the bat.
You are going to be relieved to find that people in Austin are not as superficial as people in LA. It’s a beautiful thing…BUT…You’re probably about to go through an ugly phase. Don’t let this happen to you!!! You don’t look better with virgin hair and 20 extra pounds. The Los Angeles-to-Austin uglies are a real thing. Do yourself a favor and keep going to the gym and the hair salon. Do as I say, not as I’ve done!!!! Do you like Sample Sales, thrift shopping, and warehouse sales? Well, get ready for very overpriced and underwhelming resale shops. Your closet is about to get a whole lot uglier. You know that spiked and studded skin-tight bodycon dress you love to wear? Don’t even put it on. Not even downtown. Austin is a casual city, and you will be met with the evil eye. But you will be able to enjoy endless outdoor activities. Just get ready to sweat.
Now let’s get to the good shit. While everyone else out here is crying about unaffordable housing, you’re going to be putting a down payment on a condo, and your mortgage is going to be significantly less than your rent was in LA. So get into the real estate market NOW. Because Austin doesn’t have beautiful rent controlled 1920’s Art-Deco apartments. We may live in a blue city, but we don’t live in a blue state. No, you won’t have to pay state income tax, but they will get on your property taxes. That’s okay, because at least you’re in the game now!
Now let me say something about crawfish boils. I’ve never been to one, but I still love them with all my heart. And I think you should come here and go to one.
About cowboy hats and cowboy boots. They are about the only fashion Austin has to offer. Do not drop full paychecks at Maufrais or Allen’s boots on South Congress. Do not get more than 2 or 3 pairs of cowboy boots and hats! In a couple years’ time, you are going to realize that you have way too many Stetsons than any human could possibly ever need.
Oh, and you’re going to get a dog. Austin is overrun by dogs. If you’re not a dog person, you’ll change your mind. I literally had a band named STALKER KITTY. I even lost my mind at my Studio Job and went nuts in a fashion very similar to the Catwoman origin story. And now I have a rescue dog. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
The lack of green and blue in Texas will shock you at first, but do not be afraid. West Austin and South Austin are very green and near water sources. And there is a place called Barton Spring with is an outdoor pool fed with natural spring water, and it’s free to go to after 9PM in the summertime. It has an incredible view of the city and will immediately cure your homesick blues. Forget about the gorgeous West Coast blood orange sunsets. You’ll get over them.
Be nice to the locals, even if they don’t like you. Personality and humility go a long way.
I think if you can adhere to these strict guidelines, you’re going to like it here. It will be a culture shock. But give it a couple of years, buy up some real estate, and if you must leave, rent it out at a fair price to a local musician so they don’t get priced out of this city!!! Godspeed.
Megan Blanchard 